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day 1

first and foremost, happy deepavali! this is my second favourite festival after thaipusam.

this deepavali is rather significant for many reasons, and I feel compelled to write about it. i have always struggled with my emotions and it was not till today that I realised that it was an issue that needed to be addressed. since I could remember I had crushes on many guys and on multiple occasions I found myself reeling from despair of a broken-heart. Trial and multiple errors over the years have helped establish the importance of distinguishing between wanting to be with someone and being possessive; thus far I believe that I have been dealing with that rather well. But just recently, I found myself slowly reverting back to old ways- allowing my insecurities to dictate my actions. I feel awful, selfish and unloveable, for the most part, due to the lack of self-realisation of this monster I have turned into. I probably caused mass emotional trauma to my boyfriend whom I love so dearly, albeit unintentionally, but still hurt that I never wanted to cause in the first place. The truth of the matter is I had put in effort to build a relationship with this wonderful man, yet in a moment of weakness I allowed myself to drown in self-pity- what a god awful mistake that was.

Unfortunately or fortunately it took potentially losing this person to recognise I have to deal with my problem head first. So this is my plan for improvement, vidyasakthi 2.1* is a work of art in the making. I want to do this for myself, because I am capable of great things and I believe in myself; and I have already won a small battle on my own knowing that I won’t give up on myself because so many pages of my story are still unwritten.

I intend on countering my sporadic  lows with positive highs. I lay my trust in the people I hold close to knowing that they have my best intentions at heart while pledging to give as much as I get from them. This is such a vital rhetoric that I have to hold to my core to ensure I reduce deviation and have maximum success in my journey of self-improvement.

Less worrying equals to more productivity. And this is my take-away for today. I know I can do this and I’m thrilled to channel all this energy I have on myself.

Busy schedules are anticipated for the coming weeks but I have a couple of things that I am excited about. One of which being sorting out my finances and for my upcoming trip and the other being researching on fund management(part of my thesis) and potential area of interest career wise post graduation.

தொடரும்…..

அன்புடன்,

வித்தியாசக்தி

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grown vidya growing

Sitting in this train on the way to spend a nice weekend with my family unable to decipher exactly what I feel; excitement to have a nice home cooked meal dominates everything else obviously but rather I need to acknowledge the overwhelming sense euphoria I am soaked in. 

12 hours ago, I was prancing around, shaking my booty feeling so bloody hyped from the excessive amount of alcohol and of the energy of my mates who are a proper fun lot. But what is a night without a little drama init 😉 I found myself caught in a situation without a way out of it but at the peak of my night I was convinced that I was truly supervidya and I put my herosuit and was leading the pack!!!! right of course I’m kidding, I did however walk up and down the club trailing behind the girls, throwing comments and insults here and there, you know to let ‘me know where my loyalties lie. 

Fastforward to the after party at everybody’s favorite late night spot: tinseltown, I found myself attempting to stick the fries in my mouth and not my nostrils, gross but the usual drunks will be able to relate. Also being the undeclared queen of take-away, I took the damn fries home as any broke college student would to make it my morning after meal. 

At this point I am too-many-drinks drunk and I stumble into my bed, not that I can remember much of it, I did the nastiest nasty by puking and without having enough time to grab my saviour-bag well let me spare the gross deets. I woke up and almost instantaneously i knew I had to get my shit together, ok maybe waking up to the smell of my puke was my back to reality indicator. 

I am rather proud of myself for handling my careless adulthood endeavors quite well, cleaning up after myself trying not to make an even nastier mess is a true indicator of my progress to becoming a constructive memeber of society where millennials rule. Looking back at the past 24 hours, I can only rejoice in my poor choices that have led to good table conversations. Every attempt at being in control was rejected with my own silliness, from drunk texting T and giving him a glimpse into my thoughts fueled by a heart full of love, to helping a fallen friend and falling straight after. My over enthusiastic self will be quite alright. And as I learn to do more boring chores and clean up after myself, I will gladly take my freedom with whatever costs attached to it 

viddy 

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