distant in reality we may be, but this is the closest I’ve felt in all of eternity
to others we are merely faces on the screen,
divided by continents, connected by the internet.
and so it may be,
but the world around us is unaware of the work we are doing, narratives we are changing
the initial stages filled with uncertainty of whether you were taking us seriously,
i soon realised my worries were dumbfounded, we became friends and there i saw it
this boy who was unknowingly changing my life, wonderfully kind with a big heart.
undoubtedly afraid of the stares and naysayers
i wasn’t sure if you could see beneath the darkness of my surface.
trying my best to mask my insecurities,
i did my best to thread very carefully, to let you see only parts of me.
you managed to breakdown all the barriers, you found my soul and you weren’t careless.
you lift me up and you hold me down, you remind of all the good around,
my love for you is unconditional, you have my heart and i want you to keep it close.
i intend on staying with you through the highs and lows, supporting you through it all
there’s no greater privilege than being your friend, your lover and number one fan.
i am with you, on your side, rooting for you my darling,
our story might be unwritten, but our adventure awaits!
there’s nothing more gratifying than realising dreams,
with my inspiration, motivator and partner in crime.
this deepavali is rather significant for many reasons, and I feel compelled to write about it. i have always struggled with my emotions and it was not till today that I realised that it was an issue that needed to be addressed. since I could remember I had crushes on many guys and on multiple occasions I found myself reeling from despair of a broken-heart. Trial and multiple errors over the years have helped establish the importance of distinguishing between wanting to be with someone and being possessive; thus far I believe that I have been dealing with that rather well. But just recently, I found myself slowly reverting back to old ways- allowing my insecurities to dictate my actions. I feel awful, selfish and unloveable, for the most part, due to the lack of self-realisation of this monster I have turned into. I probably caused mass emotional trauma to my boyfriend whom I love so dearly, albeit unintentionally, but still hurt that I never wanted to cause in the first place. The truth of the matter is I had put in effort to build a relationship with this wonderful man, yet in a moment of weakness I allowed myself to drown in self-pity- what a god awful mistake that was.
Unfortunately or fortunately it took potentially losing this person to recognise I have to deal with my problem head first. So this is my plan for improvement, vidyasakthi 2.1* is a work of art in the making. I want to do this for myself, because I am capable of great things and I believe in myself; and I have already won a small battle on my own knowing that I won’t give up on myself because so many pages of my story are still unwritten.
I intend on countering my sporadic lows with positive highs. I lay my trust in the people I hold close to knowing that they have my best intentions at heart while pledging to give as much as I get from them. This is such a vital rhetoric that I have to hold to my core to ensure I reduce deviation and have maximum success in my journey of self-improvement.
Less worrying equals to more productivity. And this is my take-away for today. I know I can do this and I’m thrilled to channel all this energy I have on myself.
Busy schedules are anticipated for the coming weeks but I have a couple of things that I am excited about. One of which being sorting out my finances and for my upcoming trip and the other being researching on fund management(part of my thesis) and potential area of interest career wise post graduation.