So I have been thinking about what this day would be like for a while now and now that it is here I seem to be experiencing an insurmountable feeling of melancholy. As my mind wanders, my thoughts linger towards the what ifs. What if I hadn’t gone, maybe I wouldn’t have met all these people and I wouldn’t be sitting here feeling heartbroken over their absence. What if I stayed and never left, how different would my life have been? How normal would it have been? 

As the list accumulates, I am engulfed by the sudden reassurance that my worries are unnecessary, and every decision that I have consciously made has lead to series of events that created my beautiful story thus far. For every what-if, I heave a sigh of relief because the best has come from the fearless choices. Today, I feel my best, not only because everyone I hold dear to me is healthy and happy but also because I am surrounded by people and faces on the screen from half-way across the world, and these are my people and I lucked out. 

More importantly, I am filled with hope and excitement for the future, exploring new territories, opening up to new possibilities  Internet romances, and falling in love with a boy with a face that I could stare at all day and still feel electrified 🐥 

Lastly, I think of my dad today, as I do on most days and the pain seems to have eased. In someways I am more like him than I’d expected myself to be and that realization has been a gift in itself. 
love and kisses,

Vidya Thanvanthri 


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