Trying to make sense of my current predicament, I’m unable to gain any sort of clarity and all I see is limited by my blurred vision from the tears welled up in my eyes.
I prefer taking calculated risks, knowing what I might lose before I plunge in, but this feels different. I feel compelled, it almost feels like I’m possessed, to want to dive in, put all my eggs in one basket without any form of diversification. I am very much risk-averse in nature so “making moves” is highly consequential and the danger that follows is unprecedented.
This fear I am consumed with is so influential in the worst way possible. Am I allowing myself to be directed by my fear and will I live in regret for only living vicariously through others but not on my own. Maybe my conscientious choices are a testament for a life of security and stability, or a lackluster trajectory.
I long to be close enough to you, to appreciate the finer details of your face to remind you that you are a work of art and your smile is electrifying. I want to be able to construct coherent sentences when the topic of you is raised, to express my many reasons for wanting to be in your life as I want for you to be in mine.
The you in my story might change over time and that’s inevitable . Yet I hope for you to stay for now, if that’s alright. You are changing my narrative without even knowing it and everyday I spend getting to know you, I grow more courageous. I hope for you to know how you make me feel all warm and tingly inside. I look forward to the day I am brave enough to face the possibility of rejection from you, and when that day comes I’ll celebrate the existence of fear; for without it, the pursuit lacks passion and what is life without passion amiright???