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arranged marriages, yes/no?

“what a time to be alive!” okay maybe more like “what a time to be alive……” let me put this into context for you. So I’m having a very casual conversation with my family about my plans for the future and of course the unavoidable question about marriage comes up. I mean let us be completely honest, my very much conservative indian family have been waiting for what must feel like eternity to ask me the most important question of all, “WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?”. To which I smile sheepishly, unable to construct a good enough answer that will put an end to the probing and therefore, I sit uncomfortably enduring the interrogation of whether I have a boyfriend or when I will settle down and fulfil my life’s primary purpose; to bear children.

Fast forward to today, I mistakenly brought up the topic of ageing and the horror that followed subsequently will serve as a reminder forever. My mother responded to the ageing comment by setting a deadline to for me to find someone to marry; at present it is at 26, and if my singlehood persists past my 26th birthday, the matchmaking process will ensue and an arranged marriage will be inevitable. In all honesty, arranged marriages are not death sentences, many of my relatives have undergone the process and appear to be happy, which is somewhat questionable as everyone seems outwardly happy on facebook…. In the entirety of the exchange, I realized that as a daughter I had a duty to my mother; to do good by her and make her happy. However, at what expense? There is also the duty that I have to myself and my dreams that are worthy of consideration.

With families, especially traditional ones, there is always an element of pressure that is an unfortunate by-product of the desire to construct a perfect family. I refuse to cave in to the pressure and I am not settling for a happy-facebook-family. I respect the process of falling in love, and out of love and time, I like time, I have time to make poor life choices and hopefully great ones too. Kids are cute and of course having someone I can share my everyday life with will be great but I want to be able to be as happy and content with my life regardless of my relationship status, and self-love and acceptance cannot be rushed. I’m at a happy place in my life, where I am comfortably embracing my sexuality and have come to learn to love the way I am. I like boys and sometimes they like me and sometimes they don’t or things don’t work out but I have my youth(for now) and I believe that there is no better time than the present.

Here’s my advice to my nieces and nephews and everyone else that might have to deal with the same predicament,

Education is a gift, use it, make the most of it, let it take you across the artificially created borders to see the wonders the world has bestowed upon us. Life is nothing like school, there are no deadlines to meet, live each day at your own pace. Forget the pre-existing stereotypes that have been established, give everyone a chance to teach you something new about yourself, don’t be impelled by biases, there is no race or religion more or less worthy than the other. Love in its truest form is a blessing but there is no need to search for it; que sera sera x

~~~~~ feel good summer tune!!! great things must be shared~~~~~~

 

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