many a times I find myself caught in situations where I have to console my sad friend because his/her other half has basically failed to live up to standards we have set. and more often than not, you would have seen me nodding away in agreement as my friend attempts to put the situation in perspective for me, but due to some serious self-reflection and too many late nights spent in bed watching rom-coms, I feel the need to look at both sides of the equation and carefully assess this over-generalisation of all males being emotionless, uncaring and only-in-it-for-the-sex homo sapiens.
so let me break it down for you
1) his replies are not an accurate representation of his feelings
so you send your boyfriend a really long text message of a detailed description of your current state of emotion, with very precise indications that would direct even a moron to understand that you are feeling ____ and _____. his reply to this ridiculously intense message could be one that doesn’t live up to your standard and doesn’t provide you with the emotional closure you were seeking. and this is where the accusations start flooding in and congratulations, you have made a mountain out of a mole hill.
text messaging, instant messaging, direct messaging and whatever not is programmed to send messages across and if anything it has made communication that much more convenient yet messages seen on a screen are a poor representation of anything, i mean there is only so much you can get across from texting so chillax babes, he is not losing interest in you when his replies do not involve the use of emojis, so try your best not to read into anything and if you are worried and require some answers, ASK HIM POLITELY, do not accuse him of anything because not everyone has been genetically engineered to feel the same way about the same damn thing so be nice,don’t be accusing him of cheatin’ or whatever crap you assume he has been up to. remember, you like this person and for some beautiful reason this person likes you back so do not ruin it by doing what most girls do best, OVER-THINKING KILLS.
2) time away from each other is healthy and if he wants to, don’t give him shit for it
so you’re sitting there thinking “shit he wants to break-up, he’s had enough of me… damnit it’s not my fault i have such terrible mood swings” if you are (and i hope you aren’t), don’t fret darlin’ he just wants some space and maintaining personal space is essential in order for both individuals to be able to function normally if a break-up (not that i am jinxing the realtionship) were to occur. you see, guys really enjoy partaking in social activities such as gaming, watching football, engaging in physical sports or just generally chillin at the bar with their mates while trying to be productive at being unproductive. and girls well most of us can’t do without shopping, and gossiping time which is disguised as ‘girls night in’ and honestly as much as we like to spend time with our girlfriends, dating, hugging, spooning and whatever not with your significant other prevails as the much desired way to spend our time.
because of this disparity, there tends to be awkward situations where the guys rather spend time with their mates to watch a good game of football idk #ZLATANISBACK or because they just feel like it and we should learn to accept that and not whine, and attempt to make the other party feel bad or invoke guilt. also this is NOT the time to bring up all the 10000 times you have given up spending precious time with your friends in order to spend it with him because you made that choice, and just because YOU felt you were obliged to do so, doesn’t mean everyone else on this planet should be required to have to make a choice in favour of your happiness. If he wants to get-away with his mates, be encouraging, give him space, be mature and realise that a relationship that embodies individualism and togetherness to certain extents is one that is bound to flourish into something more beautiful.
3) when asked, always answer truthfully
be it simple questions such as “are you angry”, “what is wrong”, “what do u want to do”, the generic response tends to be the opposite of what we actually feel, I do this all the time, and yes I do get annoyed when he doesn’t pick up my signals i mean I CLEARLY SAID I WAS NOT ANGRY, why does he think everything is okay? well it happens to the best of us and my only suggestion is to be truthful, or at least be aware that he probably does not possess psychic abilities to read your mind and when he does ask out of concern, be truthful, just admit that you are feeling quite shite and require him to comfort you. because if you do otherwise he might just let it go while you continue to hold on. Do yourself a favour by cutting straight to the point, instead of having an argument over how inconsiderate he is for not being able to decipher your codes.
and more importantly, be honest and open about how you feel. not only will you generally feel better as it is obviously less tedious to be honest but the relationship will be brighter
More importantly, do you want your partner to be happy? if yes, then geez, would you cut him some slack already?